I Dreamed a Dream
by Ally Cardoza
Summary: Scully write a letter to Mulder while he is missing


Title: I Dreamed A Dream   
Author: Ally Cardoza  
Category: MSR, Scully angst  
Rating: G  
Spoilers: Requiem and I guess basic season 8 info,   
Feedback: YES! Flames and everything. . Sunstblvd4@usa.net  
Archive: just ask me first and keep my name on it  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue me. I'm broke. Also,  
the title comes from the musical Les Miserables. Lyrics at the end.  
No copyright infringement intended there either.   
Author's notes at the end  
  
**********  
Dear Mulder,  
  
I'm hoping that by writing you this letter, it will aid in my constant  
need to see you, feel you, be with you. My hope is that when writing this,  
i will feel like you are simply on a trip, retuning to me soon. Words can't  
express how much I miss you.   
  
I sometimes find myself not eating because I lose track of the time  
trying to understand what has happened and why. I know I need to eat.   
It's not good for the baby. The baby...Did I tell you  
I am pregnant? I am. Can you believe it? And it's ours Mulder. We have  
created this wonderful life between the two of us. This life that is part   
you and me. A way for us to be connected for eternity.   
  
The baby... That is my one reason for being Mulder. And I will not jeopardize  
what I have been given. This tiny miracle, so small, yet so important, has   
been my only joy in these months since you have been gone.  
  
Skinner has kept his word in keeping my secret. He has not told a soul  
and has become an ally of mine. After seeing what he saw, he no longer   
denies what we tried so long to establish. However, our coworkers still remain   
as adamant as ever about denying what we have always known. But they never   
show it to me. They walk by, apologize for you being gone, and then move on.   
  
Although some, I feel are becoming suspicious. I think they know about   
the baby. As much as I have tried to keep it a secret. I am often told   
that I look pale or green. My mind wanders at work. People will walk by,   
and try and speak to me, but I just don't hear the words.  
  
Frohike, Langly and Byers have been an aid in my trial as well. They   
are constantly calling and checking up on me. Frohike is forever telling me   
I am far to thin, and " Need to bulk up them bones for that baby." It makes   
me laugh. I know that they only have the baby's best interest and mine at heart.   
  
But sometimes I just don't have the motivation. I don't see a reason for it.   
How can the entire world continue when my entire life has collapsed around me?   
You read that right Mulder. My entire life: you. My world fell apart the second   
I found out you were gone.   
  
The Lone Gunmen were there to pick up the pieces, but nothing could ever   
explain the pain that tore through me when I knew you were gone. It was mere   
seconds I found out after I was pregnant that I knew half of the love that   
created this life force was now gone. I began to cry uncontrollably.   
  
A pain wretched in my stomach, and I collapsed to the floor sobbing for   
what seemed like days. You were gone.   
  
Oh Mulder. I don't know what to say. The pain is so great, I don't   
know if I can bear it much longer. I'm trying to stay strong for everyone,   
including this baby, but it's just so hard sometimes. I'm constantly told   
that I look gray and sickly. In fact, I have lost weight, which isn't a   
good sign. And I know I should know this as a doctor, but I just can't get   
the motivation to make it otherwise.   
  
I know what you would tell me,"Scully, you can't give up. You can't   
let them win." And I won't Mulder.I won't let them win the fight. I will   
make sure this baby is healthy and happy. And when you return, you'll   
see how beautiful we are together. You'll see this beautiful creature we have   
made.  
  
I see it every night in my dreams. I see us, a family, at the park,   
playing in the sandbox, building sandcastles. The baby will have your hair,   
and my eyes, and your wonderful nose. Despite what you may feel, I love your   
nose. It defines you. And it will define our child as well.   
  
Did I tell you they assigned me a partner? They did. His name is John   
Doggett. He's a good man, despite what I first had thought. I thought he   
was one of them. But he's here to help Mulder. He's helping me to look for   
you so we can be together again.   
  
I miss you so much. To handle this pain much longer will make the hell   
I'm living that much worse. I had a dream about you. I dreamt that you had   
come home. I dreamt that I had found you standing at my front door standing   
in the rain, like in the movies, and I just fell into your arms, and we   
kissed and held each other until the storm had stopped. And I could feel it   
Mulder. I could feel it. And it felt so wonderful.   
  
I can't wait until that is a dream of time gone by. I dream of that   
day that all my dreams are simply realities. And everything that I have   
ever wished or prayed for the two of us has come true. And they will   
Mulder. God help me, they will....  
  
  
With Love,  
Scully   
  
  
End  
Feedback: sunstblvd4@usa.net  
  
Author's Notes: Ok, So I was working at 5am this morning and got REAL bored.   
Somehow I managed to write this with coherent thought. I know that when   
I proofread it, it may not make any sense, but we'll just have to see what   
happens. Thanks to Jessica for use of her laptop at this late hour. And Henry   
Hall at Western Michigan University for providing me with a job that lets   
me work INSANELY outrageous and weird hours to be able to write things like this.  
  
***********  
"I Dreamed a Dream" -Les Miserables  
  
There was a time when men were kind  
When their voices were soft  
And their words inviting  
There was a time when love was blind  
And the world was a song  
And the song was exciting  
There was a time  
Then it all went wrong  
I dreamed a dream in times gone by  
When hope was high  
And life worth living  
I dreamed that love would never die  
I dreamed that God would be forgiving  
Then I was young and unafraid  
And dreams were made and used and wasted  
There was no ransom to be paid  
No song unsung  
No wine untasted  
But the tigers come at night  
With their voices soft as thunder  
As they tear your hope apart  
And they turn your dream to shame  
He slept a summer by my side  
He filled my days with endless wonder  
He took my childhood in his stride  
But he was gone when autumn came  
And still I dream he'll come to me  
That we'll live the years together  
But there are dreams that cannot be  
And there are storms we cannot weather  
I had a dream my life would be  
So much different from this hell I'm living  
So different now from what it seemed  
Now life has killed  
The dream I dreamed.  
  
  
  
  



End file.
